The adventures of Flatfish, episode 2, part 1/2.
.----------------------------------------.
| Hello everyone! It's me again, flatfish, |
.======. | and today I'm going to be installing |
}\: : ---| Red hat. |
} - - - -8| '----------------------------------------'
}/: :
'======'
.----------------------------------.
| Hmmm, I've inserted the CD, let's |
| see what it says... |
'----------------------------------'
__/ _________________________________
| _____________________________ |
| |Redhat installation: | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | Press to install. | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| |_____________________________| |
| ooooo (=) |
|_________________________________|
/_________________________\
.-----------------------. .======.
| Oh GOD. I never knew | : :/{
| it would be so cryptic. |______ |8- - - - {
| Where are the icons | : :\{
| and pictures? What an | '======'
| abortion Linux is! |
'-----------------------'
.---------------------------.
| There's only one solution |
.======. | to this. I'll have to visit |
}\: : | my old friend Terry Porter. |
} - - - -8| ____| I bet he can sort this mess |
}/: : | out! |
'======' '---------------------------'
So, the next day:
.------------------------------------.
| Ah, here I am at last, at |
| the airport. Unfortuanetly, I've |
| spent so much money on Linux distros |
| to install, I've no money left for |
| a ticket. I'll have to smuggle |
| myself on-board in true Flatfish |
| fashion. |
'------------------------------------'
____________ |
|Kiev Airport| |
_|____________| |
|[] [] [] [] [] | __
|[] [] _ [] [] | _/OO\
|______| |______| O---O
Eventually:
|\______________
\_____.-.______)
} {} {} {} {/ /
/_.'
__________________________
.--------------------------.
| Bwahaha! I've cunningly |
_____________ | hidden myself in this copy |
/___________ /| | of Linux. It's such a pile |
| .---. | | /| of shit, no-one will ever |
| ..'.. '.. | | / | look inside! |
|'-...___..' | | / '--------------------------'
| _: . :...| | /
|' ' .'' | |
| | |
______| | |_____
| RedHat 6.2 | |
|____________|/
But soon:
.---------------------------------.
| Oh, I don't feel so well out of |
| the water... If I don't find |
_________________/| ___| some stagnant water to flouder in |
/ /||__ / | soon I might die... |
/________________/_ _ _''8 '---------------------------------'
| Redhat 6.2 /|_____..'
|_______________| |/
|/
.-+-------+-.
| | | |
| |_______| | .--------------------------------.
:-----------: | Hmmm... Although not water, this |
| | | seat is so sweaty and stale, I |
| | | feel quite at home here. Whoever |
_| |_ | was sitting here last must have |
/ | | \ | a great big fat arse! |
/ /| |\ \ '--------------------------------'
/_/ / \ \_\ |
/_/ /| |\ \_\ |
|__|/ |___________| \|__| |
/ _______ \ /
/ }''_ _ _ _''8 \ ___/
/ }'.._______..' \
(___________________)
| |
|___________________|
.--------------------------.
.-+-------+-. | Oh no, someone's coming |
| | | | | back, I think it's.. |
| |_______| | | ..the big fat yank... |
:-----------: | ...Aaron Kulkis! | .~~~~~.
| | '-------------------------' / _____ \
| | | ( / )
_| |_ | _____ | /_ |
/ | | \ | / ( )---( )
/ /| |\ \ | / _______\_____/______
/_/ / \ \_\ | / .' | | | | '.
/_/ /| |\ \_\ | / / | | | | \
|__|/ |___________| \|__| / / | | |_______| | |
/ _______ \ / / | \/ \/ |
/ }''_ _ _ _''8 \ ___/ / | / \ |
/ }'.._______..' \ / | / \ |
(___________________) .-------+----. | : : |
| | | Oooh, my \ \ : :_|
|___________________| | ass sure does \ \: : \
| sting after \ : :__/
| | havin' that \ : :
| | great big shite. : \_________________/
| | Maybe I should |
\ | have a sit down. |
\ '----------------'
\
.-----------.
| No, don't! |
| Please! |
'-----------'
.~~~~~.
/_ _\
( \ )
.--| _\ |--.
| ( )---( ) |
__|___\_____/___|__
.' | | | | '.
/ | | | | \
| | |_______| | |
| \/ \/ |
| / \ |
( / \ )
/ : : \
/ : : \
___ : : ___\
\: :/ \
___//: :\\____/
__|/: :\|___|
| . . |
| '.........' |
| | | |
.~~~~~. .----------------------------------.
/ \ | Ah, that's better. Hmmm... maybe |
( \ ) _| I shudda wiped my ass after being |
.--| _\ |--. ____/ | on the john for so long. |
| ( )---( ) | '----------------------------------'
__|___\_____/___|__
.' | | | | '.
/ | | | | \
| | |_______| | |
| \/ \/ |
| / \ | .------------------------------.
( / \ ) | Oh god, the smell! Please, get |
/ : : \ | up!!! Your arse is killing me! |
/ : : \ '------------------------------'
___ : : ___\ /
\: :/ \ /
___//: :\\____/ ____/
__|/: :\|___|
| . . |
| '.........' |
| | | |
.~~~~~. .---------------------------------.
/_______\ | What the blazes is that? My |
( \ ) _| ass appears to be talkin' to me. |
.--| _\ |--. ______/ | I'd better get up and have a see. |
| ( )---( ) | '---------------------------------'
__|___\_____/___|__
.' | | | | '.
/ | | | | \
| | |_______| | |
| \/ \/ |
| / \ |
( / \ )
/ : : \
/ : : \
___ : : ___\
\: :/ \
___//: :\\____/
__|/: :\|___|
| . . |
| '.........' |
| | | |
.~~~. .----------------------------------.
// p ) _______| What in tarnation? There appears |
___|-( |___ | to be a dead fish stuck to my |
// /|\__/|| \\ | big, fat, American ass! This would |
_ __// /_|____||__\\ | never happen in the states! |
(_|____/ || '----------------------------------'
| ||
| ___ |)
| / 8 \ |
| { | } |
\ { | } /
\ \_|_/ /
| |/_\| |
_| | _| |
( |__| ( |__|
\___| \___|
Later:
.======.
: \/{
8- - - - {
Captain's voice : /\{
.------------------------. '======'
| We will soon be landing | |
| in Moscow.... | |
'------------------------' |
/ .-------------------------.
___/ | What the fuck? I thought |
| this plane was going to |
| Australia? |
'-------------------------'
.~~~~~.
/ _____ \
( \ ) .----------------------------.
.--| _\ |--. ______| Nope, this plane's goin' to |
| ( )---( ) | | Russia, so I can buy myself |
__|___\_____/___|__ | a new wife. |
.' | | | | '. '----------------------------'
/ | | | | \
| |_______| | |
.------------------------------------.
.======. | Hmmm...this calls for evasive action.|
}\/ : ___| I'll have to.....hijack the plane! |
} - - - -8 '------------------------------------'
}/\ :
'======'
.--------------------------------.
| Hey Kulkis, do you have any guns |
.~~~~~. | on you? |
/ \ '------------------------------.-' .=====-.
( \ ) .-----------------------------. \ : \/{
| _\ | | Why of course. I always carry | \__ 8- - - - {
( )---( ) ______| a full arsenal of weapons. It | : /\{
____\_____/_____ | would be unconstitutional and | '======'
| | | | '. | un-American not to. |
| | | | \ '-----------------------------'
| |______| | |
.---------------.
| Here you go... |
'---------------' .----------.
| | Thank you! |
| '----------'
.~~~~~. \
/ \ \
( \ ) \
| _\ | .________ .======.
( )---( ) [ ____.-' : \/{
_____\_____/_____ / | ['] 8- - - - {
| | | | '. /\ |_| : /\{
| | | | \ / \/ '======'
__| |_______| |_ \/ /
|\ /
| \ /
| \__/
And so:
.------------------------------.
| This is a hijacking! Turn this |
______| plane around and head for |
_ / | Australia! |
|#\ / '.-----------------------------'
|##\____________________
}}}} ....................`'.
\________/ )_______--'
/ .'
}}}}}}}}}}/___ .'
/___.'
Inside the plane:
.----------------.
~_~_~ | Oh no, we're all | .------------------------------.
~/O O\~ ___| going to die! | | This would never have happened |
() ) () '----------------' | if we were all allowed to have |
// \ <>/ \\ | guns on board! This is all a |
//___\_/___\\ | communist plot etc... |
\__ ___/ '------------------------------'
| | /
| | .~~~~~. /
|____| /_______\ /
| __ | ( \ ) /
|| || | _\ |
|| || ( )---( )
_|| ||_ __\_____/__
(__| |__)
Eventually:
.--------------------.
| Here we are at last! |
'-.------------------'
/
_________ .. :
)_______) ._.' : ::
/ .' '.:'.
...--' '.
.' :
: :
'. :
', .'
: .... :
'._.'' '.'. .' :
'...'.' :'.
. . .'.'
:': ..'''
' .'.'
.'..'
''
At the airport:
.---------------------------------. _____
| Oh bugger, how will I escape now? | / . |
'--.------------------------------' / .. '.|
| / ''\ :|
_________________________________________/ /'..\' |
.' Air Ukraine .-------.
(oo oo(o)oooooooooooooo(o)oooooooooooo(o)oo ( (
'._______________( \_________________--'
|| '. \
|| /*\.. '.
OOOO |**| '''...___ '.
\/_____/ ||'.... '.
________ OOOO '''''
| POLICE \ .-------------.
| \ ---| Come out with |
'o'----'o'' | your fins up! |
'-------------'
.----------------------------.
| Ahah, I have an idea, I will | .======.
| conceal myself in someone's | : \/{
| pants, then slip out once |____ 8- - - - {
| they've left the plane... | : /\{
'----------------------------' '======'
.-----------------------. ###
| This woman's pants look | #####
| quite comfortable. | #'\'#
'-------------------.---' # - #
\ #| #
\ || ) )
.===. || ||
} - - : ()__|)
'===' /| |_\___
(_| || |
| | || |
|_|_||_____|
|__\\
And so:
|
\ __/
____/____\___
/ . . \ .---------------.
/ '. '.\ | In we slide... |
/ / . .\ '---------------'
/ /| : : \ /
/ / | _ _._ .\ | /
| / | \ / '''| | | /
| | | / a \ _______/
| | | { a } | | |
|_| | { a } | |_|
(___) |__{__a__}___|(___)
| | .'============|_____\__________
| |: | |
| |: | |
|__|' | |
/ \'. | | |
| || | | |
| || | |________________|
\____/ | | |
.-------------------------.
### | Oh dear, I seem to have a |
##### | rather damp patch around |
#.\.# ______| my twat. I wonder what |
# - # | could be causing that. |
#| # '-------------------------'
|| ) )
|| ||
()__|)
_|##|_\___
| | || |
| | || |
|_|_||_____|
|__\\
####
### /_ __\ .----------------------------.
##### |'/ '| ___| Hey, is that a dead flatfish |
#.\.# '.--'' | down your pants or are you |
# - # / \ | just pleased to see me? |
#| # || || '----------------------------'
|| ) ) || ||
|| || ||___||
()__|) (| ()
_|##|_\___ || |
| | || | || |
| | || | || |
|_|_||_____| ||__|
|__\\ ((____|
\
.----------------------.
| I'm afraid it's a dead |
| flatfish. |
'----------------------'
Anyway:
.----------------------------.
| Ha! I have managed to escape |
.======. | alive, and now I can get on |
}\/ : ___| with my quest to install |
} - - - -8 | Red Hat. |
}/\ : '----------------------------'
'======'
Several hours later:
.---------------------.
| Ahah, this knackered |
| old shack must be |
___ ____ __ | Terry Porter's house. |
/ /\| / |/ /\__/\ '---------------------'
/ / / / / / \ |
'_._.___.____.___.__' |
||||||| | |#||{* }| |
..-.--|||#|| o||||{_*}|-.--.---.|----..--..---..--
. |||||| | |||#||||| . . | . . .
|#|||#|_|_|#|||||#| . | . .
. \ \ . . . .| . . .
. . \ \__________________________________
\__________________8======{__________
. . . . . . . . . .
\
\
__.''._______.'._____.'.__.''._____.'.__\
||||||||| ||||||||{\ }||||
||##||||| | ||||||||{ \ /}||||
||##||||| | | ||||||||{ /\/ }||||
||##||||| | ||||||||{/ \ }||||
|||#||||| | | ||||||||{______}||||
|||#||||| | | o ||||||||||||||||||||
||||||||| | ||||||||||||||||||||
||||||||| | ||||||||||||||||||||
|||||#||| | _._ ||||||||||||||||||||
|||||#||| | / 8 \ ||||||||||||||||||||
|||||##|| | { a } |||||||||||||||||||| .
|||||||||____{ a }_||||||||||||||||||||
.\ \ a \_\ . .
. \ '..___{\ *knock*. .
. \ \ *knock*
. .\ \ *knock* . .
\ \
. .\ \_________________
. \
. \
. \
. . \_________________________
Inside:
.--------.
______|________|______ .---------------------.
(______________________) | Aww strewth! Who the |
| | (< O>/ \< O>) | | | fuck could that be? |
D D | (___) | D D _________| SHEILA! GO AND SEE |
___________|'.'.'.'.'|______________ | WHO'S AT THE FUCKING |
.' |'.=====.'| '. | DOOR! |
| '..'.'.'..' | '---------------------'
| ________/'-----'\________ |
| /| | | |\ |
'._/ | | .----. | | \____.'
.' / | | |~~~~| | | \ '.
| / | '. |XXXX|_.' \ \ |
|/ /| '._____.------ \____\ \ |
/ / | :--- : |
/ / | :--- _________.' |
: : | '-----'' | |
: '. | |XXXX| | |
'. '.| '----' | |
|'. '. | |
|__'. '. | ______|
.' '.___'.__________________|.' ___ '.
.' / *scratch* \ \++\ '.
.' / \ \++\ '.
' / *scratch* \ \++\ '.
/ _____ \ '.
..... / / \ \ ............:.
'/ / \ \.' '.
/ / \ \ :
:
.----------------.
____| FUCK OFF! GO AND |
| ANSWER IT YOUR- |
| FUCKING-SELF! |
'----------------'
___
__|___|__
.-------------------. ____|.\.|____
| Jesus Christ bitch! |__ (____|.-.|____)
| I'm trying to watch | |/_||`---'||\ |
| the Aussie Rules, | // ||__|X|||\\|
| you go and fucking | // | :''---':
| open the door. | \\ | |..----'
'-------------------' ()_|___|_|_|__|
/ // ___ \\ \
/__// / \ \\__\
|__|| |_____| ||__|
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
|__|_|_____|_|__|
/__| |__\
_ ## .--------.
## ### ##### _____|________|______
###### ### (_____________________)
#### : | | (/ \) | |
## _______: D D | (___) | D D
:: o\/o : |'.'.'.'.'|
'. (_) : |'.=====.'|
_|.' _.'.'.'.: '..'.'.'..'
/ |.'| \_.'.'.|__ ___ ____/'-----'\________
__.' |.'|/.'.'.'.| /| | | |\
\ :.'.'.'.'.'.| / | | | | \
| \'.'.._.'.': / | | | | \
| '...'.'..' |
| '..' |
| \ |
| \ |
/ .------------. |
/ | What did you | .---------------------------------.
/ | fucking call | | I called you a fucking bitch. |
/ | me? | | Now go and open the fucking door. |
'------------' '---------------------------------'
| |
| |
.------------------. |
| Why don't you get | |
| off your fat arse | .--------------------------------.
| and open it? You | | Absolute bollocks. I got up |
| haven't been off | | last Tuesday to turn the telly |
| that fucking chair | | over. Now answer the fucking |
| in three weeks. | | door you fucking whore. |
'------------------' '--------------------------------'
.--------------------.
| Right, that's it, | .--------------.
| I'm going to fucking | | Awww...bugger. |
| kill yer! | '--------------'
'--------------------' /
| /
| ___ /
## ## | | |
####### | =============
## __| | | |(o>|o>)| |
( o> / D D| ( |D D
|.'.--| |===.'|
/\.'.'| __\.'./__
| __ \ /|| ||\ \ .-------------.
| | \ \ /_||_____||_\ \ | Alright then, |
| | \ |__ __ // | | \\ \| I'll open the |
| \ \|__'__} :: | _| // | friggin' door |
| \ ' ' } || |_____|X|// '-------------'
| \_____.__} || | |()/
| | () | . |_|
|_______| | .' '. |
| ) ) | | | |
| | | | | | |
| | | | | | |
|---|-| | | | |
| |_|__ __|_| __| |
|______)_) (____|(____|
And so:
.------.
| Hello? |
'------'
| \
/ \
__.''._______.'._____.'.__.''._____.'.__\
||||||||| |#| =='|##||||||||{\ }||||
||##||||| ||#_\.'/_##||||||||{ \ /}||||
||##||||| ||/||__||\#||||||||{ /\/ }||||
||##||||| ||/| |.|||||||||{/ \ }||||
|||#||||| o|#| |||||||||||{______}||||
|||#||||| |#|____|||||||||||||||||||||||
|||||||||| |#| |()||||||||||||||||||||
|||||||||| |#| || |##||||||||||||||||||||
|||||#|||| |#| || |##||||||||||||||||||||
|||||#||| |#|_||_|##||||||||||||||||||||
|||||##|| /#(__)(__)#|||||||||||||||||||| .
|||||||||/###########||||||||||||||||||||
.\ 8- - \/{ \ . .
. \ \____/\{ \ . .
. \ \
. .\ \ . . .
\ \
___
| |
============= .-------------------------.
| |( .d888888 888 .d888d8b 888
d88P" 888 888 d88P" Y8P 888
888 888 888 888 888
888888888 8888b. 888888888888888.d8888b 88888b.
888 888 "88b888 888 88888K 888 "88b
888 888.d888888888 888 888"Y8888b.888 888
888 888888 888Y88b. 888 888 X88888 888
888 888"Y888888 "Y888888 888 88888P'888 888
__ _ _ __ _ _
/ _| | | | / _(_) | |
| |_| | __ _| |_| |_ _ ___| |__
| _| |/ _` | __| _| / __| '_ \
| | | | (_| | |_| | | \__ \ | | |
|_| |_|\__,_|\__|_| |_|___/_| |_|
ad88 88 ad88 88 88
d8" 88 ,d d8" "" 88
88 88 88 88 88
MM88MMM 88 ,adPPYYba, MM88MMM MM88MMM 88 ,adPPYba, 88,dPPYba,
88 88 "" `Y8 88 88 88 I8[ "" 88P' "8a
88 88 ,adPPPPP88 88 88 88 `"Y8ba, 88 88
88 88 88, ,88 88, 88 88 aa ]8I 88 88
88 88 `"8bbdP"Y8 "Y888 88 88 `"YbbdP"' 88 88
ASCII Character Codes:
f = ASCII 102
l = ASCII 108
a = ASCII 97
t = ASCII 116
f = ASCII 102
i = ASCII 105
s = ASCII 115
h = ASCII 104
Capitalised:
F = ASCII 70
L = ASCII 76
A = ASCII 65
T = ASCII 84
F = ASCII 70
I = ASCII 73
S = ASCII 83
H = ASCII 72
Links:
guttled.ascii.uk
recitative.ascii.uk
moir.ascii.uk
derogatory.ascii.uk
antifeminism.ascii.uk
termitaria.ascii.uk
noncollegiate.ascii.uk
banqueting.ascii.uk
quitting.ascii.uk
eyelet.ascii.uk